Man am I getting a little burnt out. I don't really know what to do. I was doing really well and then everyone got sick. Now the house is a mess. I spent 4 hours on Shay's homework instead of the normal 1 1/2. Plus I was studying for this midterm that I had so the rest of my homework got pushed back not to mention how far it got pushed back while caring for the sickly. Oh well I'm sure that it will all come back full circle. I hope anyway. I have to trust that God knows my limits better then I do and he will not give me more than I can handle.

I am starting to realize that a cluttered house clutters your mind as well. I have spent the last 5 weeks gatting up early and really trying to maintain my house. It is working well. I also feel better and my kids seem better. Well more at ease that is. I just hope that I can maintain this type of kiving for awhile even when my heart gets bad. I think that if I try to get all my cleaning done by noon and then focus on school while Lane is napping that will help a lot. I burn out late in the day no matter what I do in the morning. I might as well be productive if I am going to crash our at like 3 any way. I think that fact that I'm not working is helping realive my heart prob. I don't know. I wish that I had a better grasp on this thing but, as I tell my kids, you get what you get and you don't pitch a fit. I guess I should live by that too.

So I am almost to the point where my heart is a problem. I know that I have to take it easy now but that is so hard. I have been trying to get things done that will help to make the last couple of months easier for me but I don't feel good about just sitting here either. The good news is that this time I have school. It's actually really great as far as that goes. I have really been putting also into studying and getting everything done. I have found a way to study that really works for me so far. It's very time consuming but productive. The good thing about the time consuming thing is that some of my classes use the same book and chapters in it. So that is a plus. Anyways, that's all I got for now.

I get to go school clothes shopping with my kids. I have never done this. Not even when I was a kid. I guess I did when I was a sophmore in high school but that was the only time. I'm really not complaining. We didn't have the money. It's just a fact. I was lucky really if I got to have more food than what they gave me at school. I'm just so happy that we can go and they can pick out clothes. Great times.

So I am starting to watch 2 extra kids. Well, this week it's actually 4 kids. I'm helping a friend out cuz they don't have a sitter this week. It's going alright I guess. I just have to wake up at 5:30 am to get the girls cuz they come at 5:45. They come and they go back to sleep. I don't really know what to do with myself after that. I can't really clean cuz that would wake them up and all. I just sit there for an hour until Matt gets up. Then I get everyone up and we start the day. I am hoping that the money from watching them will be enough to finish thier rooms. I don't know though. It should be close. I have found that I never want to do daycare full time though and I understand why people that do do daycare keep thier houses so clean. If you don't then it just gets wrecked. Anyway, that's all for now. Take care.

I love the show Gilmore Girls. I think that it's great. I try to watch it everyday. If I only had the box set then I would love being on bed rest like I think that I am going to be. It is one think that I look forward to each day. So in other words I don't really have a life. I don't let myself watch it until my kitchen is clean. That is my little reward to myself. Pointless blog yes, but entertaining, maybe.

Start of School

So I have to start school again soon. I'm a little nervous. Being prego and all. I am excited though too. It's really fun. I like it a lot. I just hope that the classes aren't all that hard this time around. I'm a little bummed that I wont be able to start my clinicals in the spring but what do you do? I'm taking nursing I, nursing skills I, advanced physiology, maternal child, and nursing roles. It seems like it would be a good semester. One that I can really sink my teeth into.

Yay! My kids pasted thier swimming lessons. Wonderful. Not sure if I'm gonna sign them up again this year or just hang out until next year. Fun stuff. Summer finally feels like it's here. I'm so glad. I am going to make it the best of it. Even if I am not feeling the best. My heart is acting up a little but hopfully will be managable at least until the cold comes. I REALLY wanna enjoy this summer.

So I heard the heart beat today. It was awesome. I have a new doc for this one too and I really like her. She is super sweet. I have to go in for an ultasound this week just to be sure that the due date it right. I'm excited though. Wish me luck.

So I am expecting and I must say that I feel much better about it. I am very glad that I didn't get into the summer classes that I was going to take. That would have been aweful with the morning sickness that I had. I started telling people and honestly that make me happy. I guess that joy is a little contagious. I'm taking it really easy this summer. That's the way that I like it. However I will have to start kicking it into gear. I wont have much time to get ready for the baby since I will be going to school and, more than likely, will be on bedrest at some point. That's just the way that I roll. Gotta go through stuff and see what I need. At least I wont be alone in my pregnent "bliss". I have a bunch of pergo friends. One due in Aug, two in Dec., 4 due in Jan, 2 of which are days within my due date. I'm still not that far along so anything can happen. Wish me luck.

O.K. So we are at record flooding. There has never been flooding like this before. There are people that have 3 stories and 2 of the three are flooded. I'm not talking just a little water and inch or 2 in the bottom. They are flooded all the way up 5 or 6 ft. I can't beileve it. They are only 25 miles away. It's very crazy. These are my friends that need places to live and my family have have to leave thier homes and decide what is important for them to keep. I mean I have seen flooding, some wet basements and all that type of thing. Nothing really that a couple fans and a little time couldn't fix. There are million dollor houses gone. People that you would think had it all are being air lifted out, helpless and homeless. Goes to show you that we may think that we can control things but we can't. God has a plan and it will happen and he has more power then we can even imagine.

They're Done!!!

Yep it's true they are done. The rooms that I thought would never get done are up and have lights and outlits and the whole works. Now I just have to finish painting them. Yep it's pretty awesome. We are excited. Kason has super heros in his room and Shayla has under the sea in her room. They will be done and ready to move into by Tuesday. The insector has to come and check out Matt's handy work! I can't wait. I want to have a big party to celebrate.

Well it looks like my kid's rooms just might get done after all. The walls are up and they are being taped and mudded. I am so excited I could just about explode. I can't wait to paint them. Kason wants super heros, Shay wants under the sea. They both are going to be super fun to do. I can't wait to show everyone. And it's all thanks to my super duper wonderful husband. He really is great at what he does. I am so proud of him.

I'm always whining in my blogs. I could should stop that now.
Lane has gotten so cute lately. He is talking. Not so much walking. I think that he gets knocked over by the dog too much. Many way, he is so funny. Even right now I hear him up from him nap and he's talking on the phone. The fake phone saying mama dada heado heado mama. Sis sis heado. He will also grab an empty sippy and hand it to you and say moe peas.
Kason is such his own man. He knows everything but he is such a klutz. He is always knocking something over or spilling something. But he is a little version of his father which is great if I can get through the first twenty years.
Shayla wants nothing more than so please everyone. She is a wonderful help. I can't believe that my kids are this good. I am truly a lucky lucky women.

Keep my Cool

So I am working really hard on not getting stressed out. I can't get stressed out. So I'm not going to get stressed out. It's going well however, better then I expected. If I don't understand something that has to deal with school I just walk away and come back to it a little later and I seem to under stand it more. I also have bee trying to find ways to make housework not attack me. My house is over run right now but that is because I have had 5 kids that are not my own here in the past 2 days and I am not use to that. What good is life if you spend it freaked out anyway? Oh the kids party went well by the way. The cakes turned out awesome and Lane loved having his own. He even got pretty mad at his grandmother (yes the one you're thinking of) when she tried to feed him with a fork. I mean why would the kid eat with a fork when he can use his hands? I think that everyone had a good time. I am really blessed with people that truly care about me and my family.

Party Time

Stuff really isn't that hard if you actually do it. I can't even count the number of times I have felt over whelmed by all the stuff I have to do that when I just sit down and do it it's much easier than I thought. Anyway, I have been busy with the kid's party this week. I love that stuff soo much. I just hope that it's going to turn out ok. Planning a party when you are as passive as me can be tricky, cuz I may not care about something but other people will and bla bla bla. I just have to stop worrying about what other people think is all. I'm looking forward to it anyway.

Pat on the back

So as of last Monday, not yesterday but the one before, Matt and I had $200 to our name. Crazy. I really didn't think that we were going to be able to make it. But we did. I am pretty impressed with ourselves. This includes Matt going to work in Fargo, and me driving to and from Grand Forks, and hour and a half away, twice. It goes to show that you can do anything if you are forced. I really don't think that my kids are happy about it. Shayla had to take snack to school that she really didn't like but hey if she's hungry she'll eat it right? My son didn't get to play at his friends house who lives a half hour away either, but we all have to make adjustments. Anyway, I am very happy with ourselves. I think I'll celebrate when Matt gets paid by taking everyone out for dinner. JK

Well, what doya know.

So I have this children's bible that we got a long time ago and never really used. It's not little kids stories but not the full blown version of the bible either. It's really great for my kid's age. Anyway, after a sermon that made me feel really guilty on Sunday I had my children shut off the t.v. and started reading it to them fully expecting retaliation. They loved it. They were so into it I had to stop because it was getting so late. I was really impressed. They asked questions about Cain and Able, the rainbow as a sign of God's promise all that stuff. I am almost ashamed of how surprised I was. So now it's going to be a daily thing until we are done with the bible. Then I don't know what we are going to do but hey I think of something.

Nice Start

So I'm pretty excited. I made the dean's list. Not a huge deal but I've never been really good at school. I was pretty happy if I didn't have to take the class again. It's also a really good start. Now that I have made it I would like to stay there the whole time I'm in nursing school. Anyway, I'm actually proud of myself which I don't day often.

yay me

Alright I almost have my life in order. Not a minute too soon. I start school again on Monday. My hope is that I will have gotten rid of enough stuff that my house will be a little better to manage. One problem is that now I have a garage full of stuff and no way to get rid of it. I guess I'll just have to wait until town clean up day when you can throw out as much stuff as you want. yay!! So I am really proud of myself. Hopefully this schedule that I have will work even after school starts.

O.K. Let me clarify something. I am fine. I am just going through a time. That's all. I'm just reflecting on things and realizing different things about my life. Good bad and both. I'm not going to jump off a bridge or anything, I just have a lot of frustration. I'm truly happy about things and how my life is. I really couldn't have pictured a better husband or children. I have great friends and family and even a wonderful chruch. I thank the Lord everyday for that.

Holes

Is there a point when a person can just be honest with themselves and realize that they will not magically change but they really have to work at it? how many times do you have to fall in the same hole and give yourself that "this time things are going to be different" speech before you realize that words don't do anything but fill your head? Ug. I really need to stop making the same mistakes over and over again before my luck runs out. Seriously.

Entitlement

I have come to the conclusion that no one is entitled to anything. If you do something for someone you have to do just because you should do it. No one has to thank you or give you credit for it. They should, but let's face it they don't have to and you can't get mad at them for something you think they should do. I don't want to hear anymore of "so and so didn't do this when I did this". If you are doing it for recognition then you are doing if for the wrong reasons and you may be just as inconciderate as they are. I don't mean so sound like I am perfect becasue I'm not. I love me some credit as much as the next person but I think it is one of many bad traits of mine. Anyway, that's my story for today, tune in next time.

Get over it

So my kids are at that age where they think that just becasue a friend was mean to them it's the end of the world. I hate that. And how do you tell them that it's not as big of a deal as it seems right now? I mean they think that they will never get over it. I know how they feel, I've been there. How can you make them see that there is a whole lot more world out there left to live and they may not even remember what happened in like ten years. It frustrates me cuz I'm scared they will base decisions on how they feel right now. Sometimes I wonder how my children have lived this long. With me as a mother. :)

A new year

Alright a new year, a new look on life. I have come to the conclusion that nothing is going to change unless I do something about it. Also I can't do anything about other people. They are going to do what they want and think what they want so I have to deal with it. I can sit here and piss and moan it's just not going to change nothing. That's the way I feel about that.